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| 编号 |
名称 |
| 1205 |
We don’t sell to blondes |
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A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because", he replied, "that's a microwave.
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| 1203 |
First Class |
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A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
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| 1200 |
Blonde Quickies |
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Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
They're too hard to retrain.
How do you know when a blonde has used your computer?
There's white-out all over the screen.
Why did the blonde freeze to death at the drive in movie?
She went to see CLOSED FOR THE SEASON.
Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?
To remind her that "toes go in first."
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
RUN!!! - she's got a grenade in her mouth!
What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle?
A dope ring.
What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned in spring training.
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
How do you get a blond out of a tree?
Wave
How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?
What's the Blonde's cheer?
" I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette
said, "Oh, look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some
tracks. The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks."
The other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks!" They
argued for quite a while. In fact, they were still arguing when
the train hit them.
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| 1187 |
Two copies |
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A young blonde executive was leaving the office one evening when she noticed the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my assistant has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," she replies, flattered that the CEO had askedher for help. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the START button. "Excellent!" replied the CEO, "I'll need two copies."
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| 1178 |
The blonde and the farmer |
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There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take in their beauty. She noticed the farmer just standing there watching too. She walked up to him asked some questions on raising sheep. She then asked, "If I can guess how many sheep are in your flock, can I have one"? The farmer agreed. She guessed, 387. The farmer said that was correct. So, go take your pick on which one you want. She went into the flock and then to her car. The farmer stopped her, and asked, "If I can guess what your natural hair color is, can I have my DOG back"?
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| 1174 |
Green Side Up! |
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A painting cotractor was speaking to a woman about a job. She sad she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." They walked into the second room and she said she wanted it a soft yellow color. He wrote that down, went to the window opened it and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP." The woman was curious but didn't say anything. They walked into the third room and she said she wanted a warm rose color. The painter wrote that down and went to the window and opened it, he yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." Finally the woman asked, "why do you keep yelling that out the window?" "I'm sorry," he replied, "but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
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| 1169 |
Two horses |
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Two blondes went to the market. While they were there, they each bought a horse. When they got home, they discussed how to tell their horses apart. They decided to cut the tail off of one. That worked for a while, but soon the tail grew back, so they decided that they would break one of the horses' legs. One of the blondes said, "Which of the horses should we break the leg off of, the brown one or the white one?"
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| 1165 |
Paint the Porch |
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A blonde by the name of Julie was getting pretty desperate for money. So she decided to go to the richer part of town and try to get a job as a handywoman. She rang the doorbell at the first house she came to, and a man answered the door. She asked if there were any odd jobs she could do, and he replied, "Well, actually, we need the porch painted-how much do you want?" Julie said she felt $50 was fair. He replied, "OK, the ladders, paint, and other tools you need are in the garage." When the man closed the door, his wife, who had overheard the conversation asked him, "$50?!? Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She must have, she was standing right on it." About 45 minutes later, the doorbell rings again, and the man is surprised to find Julie there. She tells him that she's done, and states that she even had enough paint to do two coats. As the man is reaching into his wallet to pay her, Julie says, "Oh, and by the way, that isn't a Porsche-it's a Ferrari."
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| 1160 |
TGIF |
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A blonde gets in an elevator and sees a man standing there. She tells him, "TGIF, sir," to which he replies, "S-H-I-T, ma'am." Surprised, she replies, "Excuse me, I was just trying to be nice , TGIF stands for 'Thank goodness it's Friday.' The man replies, "SHIT stands for 'Sorry honey it's Thursday.'
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| 1151 |
Where’s My Rolex???!!!!! |
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A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" "Oh my gaaad....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex???!!!!!"
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